RHUM

Tuesday morning, I'm standing in the Touring Hall at Melbourne Museum in a room full of journos, waiting for the big scoop from Frontier Events. Weird, since I'm a poet not a journalist, but a gig's a gig. I saw Michael Gudinski's name on the invite and figure 2+2 equals rock 'n' roll exhibition.

I was wrong.

What we're assembled for is the announcement of Titanic - the Artefact Exhibition. We're told this exhibition has been seen by approximately 22,000,000 around the world and is now coming to the Southern Hemisphere for the first time in May. We're all very proud, yay Melbourne, scooped 'em again, go Mike you good thing! Except we're journalists, so we act cool and jaded and save our hyperbole for tomorrow's papers. We barely even gasp when they unveil a cherub that was actually part of the ship's decor. Yes, you'll be seeing this one on tonight's news, you won't be able to catch a tram without seeing the posters. But y'know what? If it gets people into the museum and interested in history, I've got no problem with that.

And if you're a Titanic buff, come out of that dark closet you've been in since you cried when Billy Zane managed to somehow not shoot Leonardo DiCaprio (where was your aim Billy Zane, fuck me!), this one looks like it's going to be a corker. They've got artefacts coming out their ears, including a piece of the original hull, along with smaller items from the ship (chamber pots and chandeliers and such) and items belonging to passengers. These will mingle with recreations of the Grand Staircase and the first class cabin and stories/things to learn. And being that it's Frontier with Melbourne Events, Arts Vic, etc, expect a big spectacle, not just an eduction. Surprises of an ooohhh nature are promised by all.

Puff piece? Schill for the man? Fuck off. I see you booking your ticket already, even though it's like three months away. And if you're not, go check out the Museum anyway, it'll make a healthy lifestyle change from bongs and your PS3. Me, I'll be at the library if anyone needs me.

No, I actually will, not being a smartarse.

Oh, we got to see the CEO of Frontier Events in a silly hat too. From now on it's Captain Gudinski to you, deckhand.

 www.titanicmelbourne.com