Anarchy sounds so sexy, so rebellious, so… anarchic! And in theory it is an appealing doctrine: the absence of direct government and the cooperative and voluntary association of individuals and groups as the principal mode of organized society. Power to the people!  

Those of course are extreme examples and not the way genuine Anarchists would go about setting up society. In fact I used to know some very intelligent people who advocate Anarchy and had viable ideas about how to run society. Unfortunately the way Anarchy seems to be embraced by most people now is simply a refusal to vote, the adage being, “it doesn’t matter who you vote for, the government still gets in.”

This statement is of course true, but as we stand right now, if you don’t vote the government still gets in, and who wins then? When the socially aware, politically conscious youth become convinced that refusing to vote is the way to protest the government, the government remains unchanged and we get Howard/Dubya/Reagan/Thatcher/yet another amalgam of them (Tony Abbott) for another 11 years or until the people can’t handle it any longer and finally get off their arses to vote.

When does Anarchy look more like Apathy? If you make a conscious decision not to vote and claim Anarchism, you had better being doing something pro-active to set up Utopia. And thinking about how you will fund health care, roads, education, mental health and all the social services you probably take for granted right now.

But most of all, if you don’t vote, you don’t get to complain if it all goes pear-shaped!

Gillard is set to call an election within days. If you are not enrolled to vote you have until 8pm on the day it’s called to do so or you miss your chance to participate as a functioning member of the democratic society we are lucky enough to be a part of. The youth vote is crucial!

Go to your nearest Post office or download the form from https://oevf.aec.gov.au/ and post it in.

 Dedicated to the only person I have ever voted for, Senator Bob Brown of The Australian Greens

As the Snoopy stationery gathers dust in back rooms with the books and chess boards, seeing the light of day about as often as the deck of cards I once played Solitaire with (that’s right, you can get playing cards in hard-copy!), I am having a moment of nostalgia for the days when it was exciting to receive mail. The days before the postie became a harbinger of doom that only ever heralds a fresh batch of bills.

This piece was conceived on a piece of paper, in a puddle of beer, at a break in a show at the Annandale Hotel. The only time I ever really write letters these days is when I want to blurt out my true feelings about something or to someone. The Blurtee in these letters is not actually intended to read them, but it’s therapeutic if you are hurt or pissed off about something to write a letter expressing exactly how you feel. Emails can work for this too. But if it’s an angry letter you’re writing, a paper-tearing scrawl is so much more satisfying a release, yes even better than ALLCAPS, trust me!

There’s closure in no-holds-barred telling it like it is, knowing that there will be no repercussions because it will never be heard by its subject. I have been known to then edit these raw emotions down to something more palatable and let the object of my rage/affection/blatherings hear what I have to say, but these missives are intended for my eyes only. The last letter I wrote was salvaged at the thirteenth hour from the card it was enclosed in, but I didn’t feel any less vindicated for it not being read by anyone but myself. I did feel much better for having written it!

Don’t neglect your quills my pretties. At best they are cheaper than therapy, and at the very least it’s so pleasant receiving a for-real letter amongst the piles of bills in the mail. 

Tell me how you really feel: julie.rhumATgmail.com

This is kind of ironic considering that Thalia, the traditional Greek God/muse of Comedy is female. But then the Greeks always were way ahead of their time.

Anyway, I hear this irritating and completely baseless cliché far too often, and as you have probably gathered such a sweeping generalisation is as ridiculous to me as Pat Robertson’s assertion that the earthquakes in Haiti were caused by a pact with the devil.

So in the spirit of last weeks’ 50 Billion Ways To Pack A Punchline,“it would be impossible to choose a Top 5 per se”. But an attempt at a broad (sorry) geographic demographic, here are just 5 picks from the gazillion funny comedians out there who also happen to women. Once again, there are great comics of both genders at every level, in every part of the world. So if you don’t get a chance to see any of these fabulous comedians in your area, do your own research, go see some live comedy, it is always fun!

Bev Killick (VIC) Unpretentious and accessible, Killick’s sharp irreverent commentary on amongst other things, life as a drinkin’, smokin’ Mum-of-two with occasional poor bladder control has been known to inspire a touch of bladder failure amongst her audience. Her stand-up combined with her magnificent breasts has sparked a natural progression to her and comedy partner Emma Powell’s highly-acclaimed ridiculously long-running & eternally sold out mammary manipulation stage show Busting Out, which showcase all her many talents to perfection! Killick is truly a class act. Bev doesn't have anything on youtube but shoot over to her myspace page check her out.

Sally Kimpton (NSW via QLD) Barrels of fun, Kimpton plays the part of the self-effacing hot chick to perfection- playing on her ADD by going off on tangents about anything that distracts her- from her itchy bikini line to audience members “packages”. With hilarious stories about her everyday experiences from working as an acting extra to living as a ‘poor’ person in a posh suburb, Kimpton is savvy, likable, and very very funny.

Jackie Loeb (NSW) Multi-talented comedian Loeb is also an accomplished cabaret singer/musician who can list amongst her many talents the ability to mimic any singer on the planet- with side-splitting  perfection. Not to be dismissed as merely parodying singers and songs, her facetious cabaret act is original and biting (especially if she thinks she gets a wrong look or heckle from the audience). Physically and mentally dexterous, self-deprecating Loeb is an uber-gifted Aussie jewel.

Nikki Lynn Katt (USA) Another gifted singer-songwriter, Katt focuses on original songs rather than parody, her sweet demeanour and candy-coated voice belying X-rated comedy and dirty, honest songs about such matters as her heart-broken vagina, how to give a great blow-job (don’t forget about the balls) and why Jewish girls don’t do anal (they do). She is the liberated girl-next-door, unafraid of any topic.

Elayne Boosler (USA) Widely credited with being the woman who really opened the doors of comedy to women, Boosler is still revered amongst comedy fans as one of the greats. To quote, “I'm just a person trapped in a woman's body”. Boosler sold out clubs around the States almost every night for the latter part of the 70s and early 80s, and was the first woman to get a one-hour special on cable to unanimous A-Reviews. Well, when I say, “get” a special, she had to start a production company and fund it herself as she was told be countless TV execs that no-one would sit and watch a woman do comedy for an hour.

Such is Boosler's following that there is now a rapidly growing internet campaign aptly called TeamBoosler for her to take over hosting duties of The Tonight Show from Conan O’Brien. And I have to agree there are very few people who could do as good a job.

This is in some ways pro-active and fabulous but if the audience doesn’t understand that what they are seeing is not a professional show, they often go home saying to themselves, “Well if that’s as good as live comedy gets I’ll stick to watching Dane Cook on the telly thank you very much”.

As a devoted lover of the art this makes me sad, so I’ve decided to share just a handful of my favourite funny people with you and hope that you will take this as inspiration to go and check out some live stand-up comedy yourselves.

And yes, I am aware there are no women on this list. Stay tuned for part II.

Chris Wainhouse (Qld) As darkly funny as he is cute as a button, Kiwi-born Wainhouse is dry as a nuns’ gusset and can tear a heckler to shreds with his razor-sharp tongue. His R-rated material, sex and drugs references somehow seem less dirty when he giggles at his own punchlines.

Darren Sanders (NSW) Endlessly funny, Sanders is truly a seasoned pro. He can riff a joke from a news headline he saw 5 minutes ago and make it sound as though he’s been polishing it for weeks. His unique talent for interlacing a tangle of details into a tapestry of laughter more often than not will leave a room convulsing.

Fox Klein (LA via VIC) Clean-cut Mr Klein is a prolific writer, and as such has mountains of material - all of it gold. He is inoffensive, likeable and energetic. And unusually for a man who has women swooning at his feet after every show, instead of men hating on him he often ends up with most of the straight men in the audience having a man-crush on him too!

Orny Adams (USA) Adams’ sarcastic observational comedy and self-deprecating style has garnered him international fame and a cult-like following of devoted fans. Another prolific writer, part of the reason he is so loved is his incisive take on everything from the most minor everyday annoyances to the bigger issues facing the world. It’s a relief for a person to know that they are not alone in being irked by said issues, and if it pisses you off, Orny probably has a joke about it.

Rick Shapiro (USA) There is no categorising Shapiros’ brand of comedy. His often shocking topic choices will drive a room to palpable discomfort and just when you could cut the tension with a knife, with one word he'll have the crowd collapse with relieved laughter. Born to be on stage, he will riff literally for hours and then cry, “But I just started!” when it is time to leave the stage. A hilarious poet or a poetic humourist, the jury’s still out.

Also look out for locals Dave Grant, Steve Philp, Jacques Barrett, Tom Siegert.

*A lot of comics don’t like to put clips on youtube for fear of their work being plagiarised by hacks. So some of these clips are short and not necessarily the best representation of their amazing work. You’ll just have to take my word on this and if none of the above comedians are playing near you, find someone who is and decide for yourself… and let me know how it goes for you! julie.rhumATgmail.com

I love juicy, messy Summer fruits. Mangoes, peaches, black grapes, red papaya, cherries, sweet lady-finger bananas… and there is little in the world better than diving face-first into a sloppy, juicy mango on the beach so that it doesn’t matter how sticky you get, you can just dive straight in the water and wash it all off.

The city comes back to life at night, after mostly hibernating for the last few months (people of Sydney- lift your game!). Beer gardens buzz, cafes clink, and live music and comedy venues neglected in Winter finally have people coming back to laugh it up once more.

Yes I love this time of year, as long as I can stick to the good things like snorkelling at Nth Bondi or Gordon’s Bay, nights out watching comedy or a band or at an open-air cinema. Keep the seething throngs of smelly, snarling humanity in the department stores and two-dollar shops far, far away from me, please! I saw people queuing out the door of Hot Dollar the other day, snaffling up crappy Xmas bargains by the basket-load.

It always amazes me that people waste so much time, energy and especially money - if they’re Xmas shopping at Hot Dollar - they clearly don’t have to spare, on gifts that are guaranteed to end up in op-shops by New Years. This is not a column about consumerism however and I’m sure I don’t need to spell out where that particular commentary would have led.

Department stores can be perilous places at the best of times, but at this time of year they are only for the incredibly brave or unbelievably stupid. I made the near-fatal error of arranging to meet my Mother who was visiting from Tasmania, in David Jones’ Food Hall the other day. We chose DJs because we foolishly thought it would be a soothing haven after battling through the living pinball game of the Hot Dollar people. In the time it took to find a place to sit and order a coffee, my sister had had a woman try and wrench the chair from out of her hands as she was about to sit down, and I had a woman smash me so hard with her shopping bag that it left me with a gash in my leg and a bruise that is still healing. In Germany a couple of happy shoppers got into a vicious smallgoods fight over a trolley, using parmesan and salami as weapons and both ended up in hospital. Thankfully the trolley escaped unscathed.

So as we wrap up the year and enter a new decade (The Onesies?) I would like to wish you all a Happy and prosperous New Year, but most of all a safe one. I advise cooking dinner for your family or friends, or volunteering at a soup kitchen on Xmas Day. And if you see a gift that you think someone might like throughout the year, buy it for them then. Don’t wait to be brutalised in a hideous shop by terrifying women, no-one needs that!

Post Shopping Stress Syndrome is a very real and often over-looked affliction. To join my support group  julie.rhumATgmail.com